What if it’s a phase?

What if it is? That doesn’t stop you being asexual right now.

It may be tempting to hold back on accepting your asexuality in the hope that eventually you’ll ‘bloom’ into a sexual person. I’m not saying that might not eventually happen, but consider this: do you want to spend your life thinking of yourself as an undeveloped person, living for the dreamed of day when you’ll become whole? Might you feel more comfortable accepting who you are now as a whole complete valid person? Maybe one day you will “bloom”, and if and when you do, you won’t have lost anything by being comfortable in the mean time.

There’s no shame in identifying as one thing and then later identifying as another. Your identity isn’t meant to limit you. If you’ve moved on or changed, then by all means describe yourself differently. If you fear you might be different in the future, that doesn’t change which label is most useful to you in the present. There’s nothing wrong with change.



I feel  this is something people need to read. This can apply to any sexuality, not just asexuality.

(via awesometastical101)

super important to remember that labels are meant to be useful and its perfectly okay to use one and then stop using it if it no longer feels like it applies to you

(via blackwishingstar)

"Being exceptional isn’t revolutionary, it’s lonely. It separates you from your community. Who are you, really, without community? I have been held up consistently as a token, as the ‘right’ kind of trans woman (educated, able-bodied, attractive, articulate, heteronormative). It promotes the delusion that because ‘I made it,’ that level of success is easily accessible to all young trans women. Let’s be clear: It is not."

Janet Mock

This quote is from her book Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More. This is…so important. Black trans women/trans women of colour face a level of marginalization that most people—even cis Black women/cis women of colour—do not readily experience. Yet, here she is discussing how even in that marginalized space, there is privilege assigned to her appearance, intellect etc. (It’s not a coincidence that Janet, Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera are incredibly beautiful in the public eye even as they face racism and transmisogyny in the public eye. This is because of cis people’s cissexism and desiring "passing" to be palatable versus being who they are, as Janet has discussed before.) And this is then used to presume that Black trans women/trans women of colour no longer have struggle. This is why exceptionalism is dangerous. Bootstrap theory won’t help. And cis people (and I am one of them, a cis Black woman) praising “respectability” for Black trans women/trans women of colour (H/T blackfoxx) does not help. It can oppress.

Oh and there’s (trans)misogynoir too. Expecting Laverne or Janet to not be “Angry Black Women” and be “calm” when people are degrading their humanity, and then “praising” them for the calm? Yeah…uh no. White people, including White trans people (who still have White privilege) need to stop that. Every time I hear the phrase "oh…so much grace" I hear "they didn’t scare the Whites!" Anger about dehumanization is okay and just as empowering.

(via gradientlair)

"Most spaces identified as radical queer spaces, unless they are explicitly for people of color, generally lack any significant attention to or inclusion of issues or struggles not specifically queer. In this context, unfortunately, those spaces are not radical alternatives to gay identity, but a continuation of the legitimization of white identity that exists in gay mainstream culture. This has led to deep-rooted forms of racism in alternative sites of resistance. Organizers of these spaces may give lip service to an anti-racist agenda, but in practice their actions maintain the status quo. I have tried over and over again to be a part of these radical spaces, but unless they are specifically for people of color, I am generally the only brown face in the bunch."
Priyank Jindal, “Sites of Resistance or Sites of Racism?” That’s Revolting! Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation, edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore. (via navigatethestream)

We are tired of being analyzed, defined and represented by people other than ourselves, or worse yet, not considered at all. We are frustrated by the imposed isolation and invisibility that comes from being told or expected to choose either a homosexual or heterosexual identity.

Monosexuality is a heterosexist dictate used to oppress homosexuals and to negate the validity of bisexuality.

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have "two" sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.

We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard.

Bisexual Manifesto (1990) historic declaration about what it means to be bisexual as defined by members of the bisexual community themselves from the magazine Anything That Moves, a literary, journalistic, and topical magazine published in the USA from 1990 to 2002. (via bialogue-group)
"The perpetuation of the mythology that trans women deserve violence because we “deceive” straight men needs to be debunked and put to rest once and for all."
Laverne Cox, in a Huffington Post essay for Transgender Day of Remembrance (via alltheforestdwellers)

You TERF’s don’t get to play that game in which you gleefully oppress and attack trans women’s humanity and then climb on your white femininity pedestal and claim you’re being ‘bullied’ or ‘attacked’. You’re getting called on your transphobic crap and if you don’t like it, tough.

Trans women, and especially trans women of color are especially tired of predominately white lesbians and feminists not only pushing anti-trans propaganda and hate speech, but actively opposing trans inclusion in human rights laws. It is Black and Latina trans women who are disproportionately dying because of their unjust stances and lack of civil rights vision.

So the onus is on the feminist and lesbian community to send the message that the disco era anti-trans hate is no longer acceptable and clean it up in their ranks.

TransGriot, but I suggest you read the article entire. (via crystal-elemental)

When Stef and I are at home, we hold hands and kiss. Sometimes when we’re out in a new neighborhood, or we’re walking home late to our car, we won’t hold hands. Some people out there are afraid of what’s different. And sometimes they want to hurt people like Stef and me. So, every time we’re out and I want to hold Stef’s hand, but I decide not to, I get mad. Mad at the people who might want to hurt us, but mad at myself, too, for not standing up to them.

"Wicked is structured like a queer 1950s Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. It follows many narratological and musical conventions of the “golden age musical” but places two women as the central couple. Like the heterosexual couples of mid-twentieth-century musicals, Glinda and Elphaba begin as enemies and competitors, as opposites in voice and temperament. Constructed as a butch- femme couple, they eventually merge vocally through the show’s numerous duets. By the end, they express their love for one another and promise eternal commitment in “For Good,” as they sing, “Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” In this duet, they cross voice parts: Glinda sings alto, Elphaba sings soprano, and they finish the song together on middle C. Wicked’s very project is double divadom."
"One of the first things I noticed was the fact that asexuality was being defined by the absence of something that an asexual person would by definition not understand to begin with. ‘Asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction.’ That statement works for the sexual world, it means something to ‘normal’ people. How about an internal definition? How does an asexual person experience themselves from within, without referencing something that is not part of their world in the first place?"
Recognizing Lack of Sexual Attraction (thereisnocloset.blogspot.com)
"I started to resent getting dressed, knowing each day would bring the inevitable question, “Do I want to look queer or be myself?” One day I’d sport a leather jacket with an old t-shirt I had cut up into a revealing tank top, black jeans, and boots, and I’d make eye contact with women constantly, maybe even scoring a date or a dance. But on any day I gave in and strapped on some heeled sandals with a summer dress, I may as well have been a ghost to those same women, and my day was plagued with catcalls and awkward chitchat with men I wished would leave me alone… Fashion has long been used as a subtle tool in the queer community, a code to signal one’s desires when open speech is not an option. But the flags and signals I was comfortable using seemed to tell the wrong story."
Alyssa Garrison, “Appearing Act: Femme (In)Visibility and How I Learned to Love Being Pretty Gay, Worn Journal, Issue 17. (via antiofashion)
"The racial and ethnic demographics of the Don’t Say Gay polling are of interest, too. 75% of those who identified as Hispanic said that teachers should be able to discuss other sexual orientations; 60% of Black respondents gave that answer; only 46% of White respondents thought so. And this is interesting to me because so many white liberals whisper to me: “You know, the Black community is so conservative on these issues.” Yeah, I don’t know anything of the kind. These anti-gay bills in TN come from a segment of the White community."
"Cissexism is believing that it is “natural” to be cis, that being
trans is aberrant… . Cissexism is defining beauty and attractiveness based on how cis people look. Cissexism is prioritizing cis people’s comfort over trans people’s ability to survive. Cissexism is believing that cis people have more right to have jobs, go to school, date and have sex, make decisions about their bodies, wear the clothes they want, or use public restrooms than trans people do."
Asher Bauer (via ritchandfamous)
"I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent. After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up. I then asked the same gay men to raise their hand if in the past week they offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion. Once again, after a moment of hesitation, all of the hands in the room went up.

These questions came after a brief exploration of gay men’s relationship to American fashion and women’s bodies. That dialogue included recognizing that gay men in the United States are often hailed as the experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies. In addition to this there is a dominant logic that suggests that because gay men have no conscious desire to be sexually intimate with women, our uninvited touching and groping (physical assault) is benign."
"Two years ago, I [searched] YouTube for a main-stream music video that depicted a lesbian relationship. I was disappointed, shocked and a little hurt that I couldn’t find a single one. Sure, there were hot girls rolling around in lingerie, girls briefly holding hands, or something involving a man. Lesbians used as shock value. This video came to fruition with an all queer, female crew, who shared my vision. It was an incredible experience.
Everyone has had the butterflies of love: the giddiness, the quick heartbeats, the sweaty palms. It’s important to remember that love is universal… no matter what gender you’re attracted to.
Additionally, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that I, a plus-size femme, co-starred in the video. So often curvy women’s bodies are a novelty. They provide a comical relief to a romantic scene. Our bodies are not allowed to be sexy in media, and it’s part of the reason there’s an epidemic of poor body image in our society. I don’t think that’s okay. I think that’s screwed up. I’m sexy and romantic, and I deserve to feel that way. Every woman does."
Mary Lambert (via alchemy)
"despite the fact that women and nonwhite individuals are more likely to identify as LGBT, regular/recurring LGBT characters on broadcast and cable networks are are 72% and 71% white, respectively, and overwhelmingly male. It seems likely that onscreen representation reflects the demographics of television creators, not of the television audience."