What if it’s a phase?
What if it is? That doesn’t stop you being asexual right now.
It may be tempting to hold back on accepting your asexuality in the hope that eventually you’ll ‘bloom’ into a sexual person. I’m not saying that might not eventually happen, but consider this: do you want to spend your life thinking of yourself as an undeveloped person, living for the dreamed of day when you’ll become whole? Might you feel more comfortable accepting who you are now as a whole complete valid person? Maybe one day you will “bloom”, and if and when you do, you won’t have lost anything by being comfortable in the mean time.
There’s no shame in identifying as one thing and then later identifying as another. Your identity isn’t meant to limit you. If you’ve moved on or changed, then by all means describe yourself differently. If you fear you might be different in the future, that doesn’t change which label is most useful to you in the present. There’s nothing wrong with change."
I feel this is something people need to read. This can apply to any sexuality, not just asexuality.
super important to remember that labels are meant to be useful and its perfectly okay to use one and then stop using it if it no longer feels like it applies to you
This quote is from her book Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More. This is…so important. Black trans women/trans women of colour face a level of marginalization that most people—even cis Black women/cis women of colour—do not readily experience. Yet, here she is discussing how even in that marginalized space, there is privilege assigned to her appearance, intellect etc. (It’s not a coincidence that Janet, Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera are incredibly beautiful in the public eye even as they face racism and transmisogyny in the public eye. This is because of cis people’s cissexism and desiring "passing" to be palatable versus being who they are, as Janet has discussed before.) And this is then used to presume that Black trans women/trans women of colour no longer have struggle. This is why exceptionalism is dangerous. Bootstrap theory won’t help. And cis people (and I am one of them, a cis Black woman) praising “respectability” for Black trans women/trans women of colour (H/T blackfoxx) does not help. It can oppress.
Oh and there’s (trans)misogynoir too. Expecting Laverne or Janet to not be “Angry Black Women” and be “calm” when people are degrading their humanity, and then “praising” them for the calm? Yeah…uh no. White people, including White trans people (who still have White privilege) need to stop that. Every time I hear the phrase "oh…so much grace" I hear "they didn’t scare the Whites!" Anger about dehumanization is okay and just as empowering.
We are tired of being analyzed, defined and represented by people other than ourselves, or worse yet, not considered at all. We are frustrated by the imposed isolation and invisibility that comes from being told or expected to choose either a homosexual or heterosexual identity.
Monosexuality is a heterosexist dictate used to oppress homosexuals and to negate the validity of bisexuality.
Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have "two" sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.
We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard."
You TERF’s don’t get to play that game in which you gleefully oppress and attack trans women’s humanity and then climb on your white femininity pedestal and claim you’re being ‘bullied’ or ‘attacked’. You’re getting called on your transphobic crap and if you don’t like it, tough.
Trans women, and especially trans women of color are especially tired of predominately white lesbians and feminists not only pushing anti-trans propaganda and hate speech, but actively opposing trans inclusion in human rights laws. It is Black and Latina trans women who are disproportionately dying because of their unjust stances and lack of civil rights vision.
So the onus is on the feminist and lesbian community to send the message that the disco era anti-trans hate is no longer acceptable and clean it up in their ranks."
Chris Sanders (from the Tennessee Equality Project)